The New Purple Notebook
by Twinings
Summary: Once upon a time, the Joker took a hostage. And then she went home, and then she went home. [Notebook Three]
1. Once Upon a Time

This is number three of a series—go to The Purple-Covered Notebook for the beginning. Yay. Clearly, I don't own any of this, other than the narrator. That's why it's on here, you know.

* * *

The New Purple Notebook

Or

Willingly Back Again

I left my old notebook in a safe place. Wouldn't want the wrong people (meaning anyone) to read it.

The car came for me a few minutes after I called. It was too early for the Boy Wonder to be watching over me, and no one else was around.

Boy my boss is going to be pissed. This is the second time I've disappeared this year. I'll never catch up at school.

I wonder if Jason will miss me?

--

Here I am again in the Joker's lair (a.k.a. the Monarch Playing Card factory, how cool.) I love the way he's redecorated. (Ok, that was a bit sarcastic, but only a bit.) This time I'm not a prisoner; in fact I'm almost an equal. I'm up there with Harley. So basically I have power over Roland. (He's looking into hiring new underlings.) I think Roland is just not even cool enough to be an asshole. I hope the rest of our folks are more fun and less idiotic.

--

Joker by now is over the effects of all those drugs they gave him at Arkham, and ready to kill a bunch of people. I confess I'm still not ready though (if Roland doesn't SHUT UP I might change my mind!) I do want to do _something_.

Harley and I were just discussing the Joker. I thought he didn't seem as happy as usual (I use the term figuratively.) She said it's from Arkham. From what she says and from how he's acting, I hope I never have to go there.

By the way, Joker is still calling me Flapper. I guess that's my new name.

--

I didn't pack (I guess if my friends don't know I left of my own free will, I'll still have a place to come back to if this doesn't work out. That's horrible and I'm really ashamed of myself. I guess I just can't get myself to commit.)

Anyway, I didn't have any clothes or anything so Harley and I hit the mall. She chose the stores (leaving a message for Batman, I'm sure) but she let me take whatever I wanted. I took mostly retro stuff, going back even before the roaring twenties (we hit an antique store that was just chock-full of old clothes.) But I mostly took from my own dear decade. Now I really am a flapper!

Harley took some things for herself too (more messages, I bet.)

If I have power here I think I want to be in on the planning.

--

Got a couple of young girls (younger than me) attracted by our mall robbery. They're both homeless, runaways, driven to petty thievery, poor things, yada yada. (My friend Angela used to say that.) Also there's one old man who used to be a hit man, but now no one will hire him. Don't know why.

Small business is growing.

--

The new girls are annoying little airheads who are quite mad for Roland. Well, as far as I'm concerned they can have each other.

We've got a few more. Just a skeleton crew. People are afraid to work for this guy. Granted, he does have a history of killing his underlings. Why am I not afraid he'll kill me? I don't know. Hell, what's so bad about death anyway? Better to die living than to live dead. (Wow, now wasn't that a great quote?) Besides, I like the Joker.

I've been watching He-Man. I like Skeletor too. Evil-Lyn (what a name) is a really kick-ass evil girl, and good at what she does too. But competence is overrated. (That's a good one too.) I wouldn't want to get to know Evil-Lyn. I would _love_ to know Skeletor. He's like the Joker that way. Despite liking the heroes very much, and despite not being very villainous myself, I'm on the evil side.

I don't understand it myself. If I was half sane I would be terrified.


	2. A handsome prince

I'm in on the planning. We're going to trap Batman, the usual. I'm glad Joker hasn't asked what I know about Robin. (I don't have proof anyway.) I want Joker to win but he'll have to do it on his own. I don't really want to hurt Batman, Batgirl, or even Robin. (He sucks, but I don't want him dead.)

I think I'm about to have a fantasy now.

--

I'm tired of wishing for Jason. My high school sweetheart (well, my senior prom date) was named Anthony and he had green eyes and a sexy voice and he was hot and very, very tall. I'm crazy for those green-eyed men.

--

I like the Joker very much, but there's one thing I wish I was brave enough to tell him: I hate the way he treats Harley. I mean, come on, man! They could have a good thing going there. She loves him more than I ever will. She's _in_ love with him. She's devoted, she's loving, she's pretty…and yet he feels that his life is empty, romantically. What is he, blind? The only way she would stay with him this long, through cops and Capes and Arkham, is if she was crazy or in love. I'm thinking a little of both.

--

Batman just caught the Riddler and tossed him in the crazy house. Riddler was not one to work with a crowd, but he did have a few henchmen who came over to us. I wonder why the Riddler and Joker never team up? I always thought they would be a good team but I guess they disagree.

Anyway, our organization is big enough now to start doing some real work.

--

Today we stole a car. A Mercedes-Benz. Former owner Mr. George Lake, deceased. (I didn't do it. He was like that when we got there.) We didn't have any further use for it so I sent it to Anthony.

Now that I think about it, he wasn't actually my prom date, but we did hang out together while our dates were passed out from the spiked punch. Last I heard, those two were getting married.

In nine days, we raid a bookstore and steal nine copies of _Take a Thief, Make a Thief_ by Misty Lake (known as Mercedes Carlin to her friends and die-hard fans.)

--

I've been paying closer attention to Joker and Harley, trying to see if the romance is a-bloomin, and I noticed something really creepy.

The boss likes me. I'm sure he'd kill me dead if he had half a reason and half a chance, but he _likes_ me. A year after I'm gone he'll remember me as his sweetheart, when all I did was hang out with him when we were both alone.

Anthony and I were really just good friends.


	3. and a beautiful princess

I'm getting tired of being a flapper clown, so I put on some regular clothes and went down to the art museum. By myself.

Stupid. Jason was there. He saw me. I disappeared into a bathroom but he was freaked enough to follow me. Scared a couple of little old ladies. They beat him with their purses whiel I climbed out a window. I won't be doing that again.

We have three new recruits who steal cars for a living. Whoopee. Me, Harley, and the bimbo twins (Stacey and Ashley) are the only chicks. Only half of us are worth spitting on. I'll leave you to guess which half.

--

Today Joker and I talked. Privately. We don't do a whole lot of that. We played cards while we talked. He's very good, but so am I.

He kept talking romance, and every time he started I tried to bring Harley into the conversation. I tried to play the innocent little Liss, as if I didn't know he was talking about me.

Clarice Starling fell in love with her evil mentor, who I used to think of as my evil mentor too, until I dreamed he ate one of my friends, and I remembered that he was _evil_.

Oh.

--

Can evil love? If yes, I bet it would be greater than good love. If no, then what the hell am I doing here?  
--

Once upon a time, the Joker and the Flapper were talking. As the boss grew ever more romantic, Flappie did something rather foolish.

"Look, stupid," she said. "That girl out there loves you a hell of a lot more than I ever will, and if you can't see that then you're just retarded."

Then she stormed out.

I wonder if he'll kill me.

--

He took my notebook and read it all. I'm still alive, but I think I've been demoted. Roland is gleefully bossing me around. If I kill him will that be a good thing or a bad thing?

--

Dissension in the ranks.

Misty Lake never goes outside because she's been getting death threats since 1983. One of the perks of writing fantasy fiction. This was her first public book signing in like ten years. We had to be there. Roland wanted to shoot the woman and for that I kicked him in the head. Mrs. Carlin's biggest fear is that one of her fans will die for her, and I'm sure many of us would be willing, so before any shooting started I told everyone to get out. I tried to be very menacing when I said it, but I'm afraid I still came off as a nice guy.

There was some shooting, just for show. A few people got hurt but nothing serious. I was watching out for the kids and at the same time trying to look like I wasn't. Mr. Bigger-Than-God Roland started making obscene jokes about me and my soft-heartedness, so I shot him. In the knee. I hope it hurt him as much as it hurt me. We grabbed the books (exactly nine) and the cops showed up while we were heading for the car. Roland was crawling along behind us, yelling all the things he was going to do to me.

"I hate to break it to you, Roly Poly," the Joker said, "but I don't think she's going to let you come home with us." To me he said, "But we can't leave him here for those nasty police."

I shot him. In the head. My first kill. I think I'm back on the Joker's good side.

In nine days we hit the Pokemon trading card convention. Is that still going on? Why did it start in the first place? Is Roland in Hell? I hope he's not in Hell but I can't imagine he'd go to the other place.

--

I feel like I'm getting lost. It's not the same as being empty. It's like everything else is empty and I'm trying to fill it up, but I can't reach that far.


	4. lived happily ever after

I'm back in the Joker's good graces, but that means he's back trying to woo me, and that will only hurt us both. If it helps, Boss, I'm not in love with anyone else. Jason is taken, Dick is a liar who lives up to his name, and Anthony is just a silly romantic notion. I haven't even seen him in a year.

If I had control of the world…

--

Hit the Pokemon convention. We threw explosive pokeballs at the little kids.

They were full of laughing gas, non-lethal.

We kidnapped a girl dressed as one of the characters from the show. Misty. Her real name is Belinda.

Hope she's having fun.

In nine days we hit a

--

Change of plans. We're calling the seventh inning stretch a little early. Batman was catching on too fast.

In nine days we grab the First Diamond. It's not literally the _first_ diamond, but it's the masterpiece of some guy named Carl First. It's massive and flawless and cut in the shape of one of those birds of prey. I can't tell which.

--

Our little captive is doing all right. A little scared, but I told her we wouldn't hurt her if she was good. Was I telling the truth?

Am I going to hell?

One week to the final inning.

--

Once upon a time there was a great baseball player who was the only one in history to steal first base.

In 1967 the old elementary school named their baseball field after him.

--

Four days.

--

Told the boss to lay off once and for all, and go to Harley Quinn if he wanted a girlfriend. He's very unhappy with me.

Tomorrow. 9:00 P.M.

--

There were nine of us there: me, Harley, the boss, the bimbo twins, the old hit man, two of the Riddler's guys, and one of our car thieves. Against Batman's three. Oh, and I almost forgot the girl. She wasn't exactly able to play.

We used exploding baseballs, non-lethal gas (but incapacitating.)

Those two stupid girls knocked themselves out. (Good God.) Batman took out our hit man and almost got himself taken out in the process. Meanwhile I was totally waling on Robin. It was too dark for him to see who I was. Batgirl went for the boss; Harley jumped to defend him and the two of them slugged it out. I turned Robin over to our car man, which was dumb because our guy went down in about half a second. Meanwhile Batman took out the Riddler's two guys with one blow, and it was down to three on three, us against them, the way it should be.

We lost.

Batgirl had Harley in a headlock. I had knocked Robin out, but I was too far away to kill him and therefore too far away to use him as a hostage. The boss and I might have been able to take Batman together. We'll never know. Joker called up his big purple remote control helicopter and was inside it before the Bat could reach him. He looked at Harley, saw she wasn't going anywhere. He reached out a hand, flying low over me.

"Come on," he said. I could barely hear him over the sound of the helicopter. I turned away.

He left, looking downright pitiful.

Poor baby. It's not like he couldn't have saved Harley, and then he would have had us both.

In the flash of the helicopter's lights, Batman saw who I was.

"Come with me," he said, holding out his hand.

I turned away from him as well.

--

Once upon a time, Harley Quinn went back to Arkham.

Later that day, Dick Grayson got a phone call from an old friend. Soon after, Batman, Batgirl, and Robin caught the Joker in the middle of a job. He went to Arkham as well.

Before the Joker's gang had a chance to disband, it was taken over by the boss's former protégé, a new Master Criminal known as the Flapper.

And she lived happily ever after.

Alone.


End file.
